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January 3, 2012 @ 02:54 PM

Sa pag panaw mo pa, galit at puot.

I shouldn't cry for him anymore. He never loved us anyway. Everytime, I miss him. Something infuriating just comes up.

Haist, Pari please! Nagkakasala nanaman ako. Patay na yung tao pero parang gsto kong patayin ung iba at pasunurin.

Mind you, I am not the cause of his death. But damn, I am so lucky he died. Damn him. He never loved us anyway. On top of that he kept fooling my mom. Easy for relatives of him to say forgive him, he passed away etc, etc. But very hard to ponder things on why and so forth.

He never loved me enough that's for sure. Seeing the other woman's child, I know he loved her better. Not sure if that kid is a girl or boy. I don't think it's the girl though, maybe it's the boy. Whoever she is, I hate her. Deep down I am still that jealous girl. Now I know, he loved someone else. I hate him so much! I thought I was his only baby girl, but no. He had another one to adore. Explained why he never showed up nor did he care about me for the past 2 years.

The woman. I could feel more anger for her. Hatred. So much hatred. Whatever you say Jessica Valdez Cayetano, puta ka pa rin sa paningin ko! Wag ka mag malinis dahil puta lang tawag sayo! Mangangaw ka!

How could women like you call yourselves clean when you were already caught in the act? How? Hindi ko maintindiahn anung klaseng mapurol na utak ka Jecka!

Dad, I hate you so much! How can I ever forgive you?? Kakahingi ko lang ng kumpisal galit nanaman ako! Panu ako hindi magkakasala nito>! Ikaw ang kasalanan kung bakit ako ganito ngaun, sira at puno ng galit. Kung anu mang masama manyari sakin balang araw, kasalanan mo rin un. Ikaw may kasalanan sa lahat! Ikaw! at galit na Galit ako sayo! niloko mo kaming lahat!

Posted by miyuchix

1 comments

December 20, 2011 @ 04:27 AM

Thank you psych book!

I recently came across my old psychology book yesterday for some unknown reason. I was probably just

bored so as to why I picked up an old book in College which was not even a major of mine. Anyway,what I saw

had me thinking. It was about panic attacks. Earlier, I've blogged about my nervous wreck of mine and how I can't

compose myself whenever panic attacks happen. Well, thew psychology book explained that panic or uncontrolled

nervous energy/ behavior could be from a child's inability to play earlier in life. This means that the child was

probably deprived of enough play which explains why nervous energy was not effectively released earlier.

So I guess this Is why I suffer so much nervousness. Haist, I've missed a develomental milestone which I find

is sohard to undo. I'm not losing hope though, everyday I try to battle this freaky disorder. But now I know that

play is really important to a child. A child can't always play in solitary nor always parallel play. A child should

somehow learn to interact with their c0-children. This I know I missed a lot. Barely had most chances because I

was always hindered to play outside, interact with the lowly dressed children and get wounded back then. When I

go outside or even at school I usually play on my own or walk to some place where I could be alone. Exlains why I

voluntarily withdraw my self on most occassions. When I have my own child, I now know better. Never do

discriminate and let the child play like a real child. Let him interact, mingle and be the kid he will never be.

Someone who will not develop into someting like me.

Posted by miyuchix

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December 10, 2011 @ 02:30 AM

As an ESL teacher

It's nice meeting new people. New chances means a fresh start.

I've reacently been training as an ESL teacher to Japanese people in Hanaso and I find it very interesting.

Really. As in very interesting that I really have fun everyday and everything is just so light for me. Namely, the people I've been with, the nature of the work, the trainers and even the whole travel it's self. I don't even get tired.

My training days are so much fun because they are all so accomodating to me. Aside from that I have 3 co-trainees who are so much fun and out spoken. I know it's the first time for us to meet each other but who needs pretense? Why try to be so stiff nd untoward to your co-trainees?we will only just be together for 2 weeks. So might as well be my self right? And now that I'm doing it, I could careless. Atleast I'm not the only one here, right?

I also started as a Korean teacher here In ou village but I couldn't take the pressre anymore. I'm planning on quitting it or rather taking it as a part time job instead. It's kinda difficult. Koreans are just so much harder to teach than Japanese people.

There is also that errie feeling that I get in sejong that I can't explain. Haist, I don't like that and I'm trying to follow my intuition now cause I realized it Helps! Now I developed this new motto when it comes to work, I know this will be difficult and it may not be the proper work ethics but this may be the only thing that works for me, so here it goes:

"I follow my intuition. If I feel there is something bad or negative or there is something in secrecy that they do not spill for the betterment of the employees, I will not work in there. I will not be plastic in work and I will not let my self suffer in work the way I have suffered in AIP. I will also not commit any emotional attachment to my trainors or superiors so that way they may not inflict emotional damage to me in any or such matters. I will not attach my self not even to the lower half of the company employees for example, the janitor or such so as to prevent bias and prevent my self from judgign the superiors before I see it with my own eyes. I shall refrain from involving my slef in anything personal especially in public or in a crowd of employees, superiors or such. I will put my best foot forward and put one foot backward. This will be my code of work ethics. "

Posted by miyuchix

2 comments

December 10, 2011 @ 01:56 AM

konnichiwa! Hanaso no koushi Miyu desu!

i think I'm finally in a job that I like